


Sheer Dumb Luck

by fiveya_whoregreeves



Series: It’s Only the End of the World, After All [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Complicated Relationships, Cunnilingus, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Implied/Referenced Torture, Jealous Number Five | The Boy, Jealousy, Kink Meme, Porn With Plot, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Number Five | The Boy, Prompt Fill, Protective Number Five | The Boy, Pseudo-Incest, Smut, Threats of Violence, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:21:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29969064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveya_whoregreeves/pseuds/fiveya_whoregreeves
Summary: “Five Hargreeves, former assassin and superhero, was not going to admit that he saved the worldby accident.And he certainly wasn’t going to admit that it was because he gotjealous.No, Five wasn’t going to do that. At all.However, the truth of the matter was… Going to Vanya’s apartment that night, quite literally, saved the world.”[Kinkmeme Fill]
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: It’s Only the End of the World, After All [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2204253
Comments: 4
Kudos: 60





	Sheer Dumb Luck

**Author's Note:**

> Read all tags. Original prompt [here.](https://umbrellakink.dreamwidth.org/284.html?thread=294940#cmt294940)

Here was the thing. 

Five Hargreeves, former assassin and superhero, was not going to admit that he saved the world  _ by accident.  _

And he certainly wasn’t going to admit that it was because he got  _ jealous.  _

No, Five wasn’t going to do that. At all. 

However, the truth of the matter was… Going to Vanya’s apartment that night, quite literally, saved the world. 

Now, don’t misunderstand. It had not been his priority at all to go to Vanya’s apartment, but he did feel a  _ little  _ bad for how dismissive he’d been. Plus, he was already somewhat intoxicated, and his body just sort of… sent itself to her place. 

Perhaps his mind was fixated on the way she’d touched him. How she’d blushed when he’d glanced up, catching her in the act of staring. Five, though he was older than her, had landed in a body that didn’t quite align. At least he looked like he belonged among his siblings, though.

* * *

The problem with having the ability to walk in on people unannounced was that he inevitably would walk in on something that he didn’t want to see. 

Seeing his favorite little sister, tenderly speaking to some pervy looking man about the violin (when he was  _ much  _ too old to be taking lessons from her), was decidedly not something that Five wanted to walk in on. 

The man spoke, offering Seven an affable grin. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Yes,” Five answered for her. Vanya sighed, quickly putting up her violin, probably aware where this was going. “My little sister is much too kind to tell you this, but you shouldn’t be here.”

“Leonard, he’s not—”

“Kindly step away from her now.” 

Setting her head into her hands, Vanya asked, “Do you need something, Five?”

“I need Leonard here to get out of your apartment.”

“He’s just—” She sighed at the look he gave her. “Leonard, could you leave?”

“Vanya, surely you don’t think that you have to  _ listen  _ to him.”

“She’s welcome to do whatever she wants,” Five chirped. “You, however, are not.” 

Shooting Vanya one last final look, Leonard sauntered out of her apartmen. 

Frowning, she asked him, “Was that  _ really  _ necessary?”

“What if that man had been a serial killer, Vanya? You just let serial killers into your home?” 

“Clearly, he’s not a  _ serial killer,  _ Five. He was a potential student.”

“He was a potential  _ murderer.  _ I’ll run a background check on him if you truly feel so inclined to teach him, but, honestly, you shouldn’t. Dude was a creep.”

“Right.” She gathered up some papers and set all of her belongings on her shelf. “This had nothing to do with you being jealous of some random man in my house.”

“Don’t be absurd, little sister.” 

When she walked up to him, eyes holding a confidence that only  _ he  _ had ever witnessed, he smirked down at her. Her hand settled against his arm, and she asked, coaxing her voice into something sweet and innocent, “You’re certain about that, Five?”

He raised his brow, not taking the bait. The longer he didn’t was the longer she’d touch him. “I’m absolutely certain.”

Fingers brushing over his chest, she purred, “If you just admit it, I’ll let you act out every thought that’s going through your head right now.”

His lips pressed to her ear, and she shuddered, not even seeming to notice when his arms wrapped around her. “Admit that I’m your favorite,” he breathed. “And I’ll do them.”

_ “Fuck.”  _ She closed her eyes, but Five set his thumb and forefinger under her chin, tilting her head up and forcing her to look at him, wanting to hear her just  _ say _ it. “You’re my favorite, Five.”

She didn’t even have time to shriek as he blinked her to her bedroom, landing them on her bed. He hadn’t even realized when he’d searched around her apartment that he’d been formulating the equations it would take him to get to this bed, but he was thankful for it now, hovering above her, taking note of how much smaller she was than him. How he could pick her up so easily and how his hands could fully curl around her thighs when they settled against them. 

“Don’t you realize how easy it would be for someone like him to hurt you, Sev?” Five asked, bracketing himself between her legs. Frantically, he added, “Don’t you realize how much danger you put yourself in when you let some  _ stranger  _ into your home?”

He kissed her throat, neck exposed to him and unaware of how quickly one could snap it. Not that he’d ever lay a hand on her, but  _ some  _ self-preservation from her would be appreciated. “You’re small. Vulnerable. Willing to trust much too easily.” Five pressed his lips to her ear again, murmuring, “He could have killed you in  _ seconds,  _ and I would’ve had to find your body.” 

“Five—”

“Don’t worry, sweet sister,” he crooned, kissing her gently. “I’d have turned back time and never let you even know what had happened, not unless I was certain that your fragile heart could handle it.” His voice darkened. “I’d let him suffer, of course. Chop him into small pieces but keep him alive for as long as I could—”

“Leonard was  _ fine.”  _

“Even if that was  _ true,”  _ Five told her, tugging off her clothes. “There will be somebody, someday, who is  _ not.” _

“You’re here now.”

Unimpressed, he commanded, “Don’t let strangers into your home.”

She rolled her eyes, but she nodded. Satisfied, Five pulled off his own clothing, kneeling between her legs. When she dislodged a bottle of pills, he asked, “You’re still on those?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Just thought you’d have gotten off them by now. What are they even for?”

Sheepishly, she blurted, “I’m not really sure, honestly. Anxiety, I assume.”

Five pursed his lips. “I suppose we’ll schedule an appointment with a doctor, then.”

“That’s fair, I guess.” 

He nodded, waiting to see if she had anything else to add. When she didn’t, he told her, “I might have been the  _ slightest  _ bit jealous, but I know a killer when I see one, V.”

It was impossible  _ not _ to see it, being one himself. 

When she threw her head back against the pillows, commanding him to go back to what he’d been planning for, Five didn’t argue, crouching down and kissing along her small thighs. She was right, about him being here now, at the very least. Though he wouldn’t tell her that, believing that she ought to learn how to protect herself on the off-chance that he wasn’t around to do it. 

Tongue slipping inside of her, he assured himself that she would never have to worry. He was going to have to bring her along with him, while he searched for the owner of the glass eye, of course. It wasn’t ideal, but clearly she couldn’t be trusted to keep herself safe for a week. 

“Five, I need you to—”

He glanced up at her, pretty easily figuring out what she wanted when he caught sight of her needy expression. Five kissed her thigh, wishing that he’d had more time to do this right but ultimately deciding on just doing what she wanted from him. 

Still, he asked to confirm, gently touching her arms as he did. 

“Yes, Five.”

He kissed her, reaching between her legs to work her up a little more, sinking his fingers inside of her and scissoring his fingers, glancing between her legs. Five hummed approvingly when she began to soak his fingers, gathering up the growing slickness and smathering some against his cock as he guided himself to her entrance. 

Vanya’s eyes were wide as they made contact with his own. Smiling flicking his gaze to her lips, he bottomed out inside of her, telling her, with only a little chiding slipping into his tone, “I’m here now.”

“You won’t leave again?” she whispered, sounding as small as she looked. He would’ve been offended had it not been for the pleading way she looked at him. “I can’t take—”

“I won’t leave again, sweetheart,” he promised, rocking his hips forward and groaning at the sensation of her wet cunt around him.  _ “Somebody _ has to take care of you.”

She didn’t even argue, just wrapping her arms around him and whimpering lightly. He could feel her nails digging into his back, drawing blood, and he let the sting of them ground him, staring into her eyes. 

“Tell me I’m your favorite again.”

* * *

It took a few days (spent with his sister by his side), a doctor’s appointment (that caused him to contemplate turning back time to kill Reginald himself), a thorough search of Leonard Peabody/Harold Jenkins (that he couldn’t even feel smug about), and a particularly strong orgasm (that knocked down one of the walls in Vanya’s apartment) to figure it out. 

Maybe he’d solved the apocalypse by accident, but, frankly, it was the best way he could have imagined it ever happening. 

**Author's Note:**

> I am going to try to fill all Five/Vanya prompts I can find on the kinkmeme that I enjoy with this series, and I hope to post a new one each Wednesday. Thank you for reading!


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